Vampire vs Werewolf – This Has To Do With Tennis, I Promise!
Christy Vutam | June 10, 2012I am a werewolf. Since you’re making me pick between a werewolf or a vampire to describe my playing style, I pick werewolf. I’m aggressive; I go for the kill; and I don’t think much. I just do. *Bares fangs*
This is what was going on inside my head. Except not this awesome. More like stick figures.
I’m basing these stereotypes of werewolves and vampires on what I can remember of the Twilight movies. Specifically how Jacob and Edward behave. If my stereotypes are incorrect, you shouldn’t be blaming me. You should be blaming the actors.
Where was I? Ah, yes. I am a werewolf. I am warmblooded. Well…I think werewolves are warmblooded. Honestly, I only think werewolves are warmblooded because those two words both start with “w.” Have you noticed how many Ws there are in this paragraph? Winning!
I just realized Charlie Sheen looks like a vampire in the video I linked to.
I played a human backboard on Saturday for USTA. Playing a human backboard means needing to be more patient and waiting for opportunities to kill. I don’t do either well. Again, I am a werewolf. All I want to do is go for the kill immediately. And what’s really frustrating when playing human backboards is that I – the werewolf – keep thinking I should beat the backboards easily because they can’t create their own shots and kill me with them. I, on the other hand, have fangs and claws and fur. *Growls*
Down 4-2 in the first set, I decided I needed to play like a vampire. This is an actual thought that crossed my mind. I am not making this up. I made the conscious decision to play like a vampire.
Okay, what I initially thought was “I need to bring my heart rate down…perhaps all the way down to 0.” Naturally, that turned into me telling myself I needed to play like a vampire. Vampires are the undead, right? They don’t have a beating heart? No, I will not google this. I do not want to start this post over again. I’m 300+ words into this metaphor.
Bringing my heart rate down meant not going for any of my shots, lazily getting to the ball, and lazily hitting the ball back. This particular opponent’s backboard style was of the high, loopy variety. Entire mountains moved while our balls were in the air.
What do you mean vampires are fast? What do you mean Edward’s best skill is his speed? What do you mean how do I know this off the top of my head?
When I was trying to hit hard, it was tiring me out. Do you know how much work it takes to set your feet properly and to drive the ball? Try having to do all that work over and over again because your opponent gets everything back. Plus, I was losing. Working hard and losing is the definition of insanity.
When I started to play this vampire style of tennis, I came back and ended up winning the set 7-5. Whoo-hoo, I thought! And then the second set happened.
In the second set, playing like a vampire appeared to backfire, and I quickly reverted to werewolf form. I lost the second set 6-1. I lost the 3rd set tiebreaker 10-6.
I see now that it wasn’t the vampire style that backfired. The werewolf within just couldn’t be contained. My werewolf side thought I should have been putting these no-paced balls away easily. I started pawing the court impatiently. I lost. Stupid werewolf. No wonder Bella picked vampire. Oh, crap. I should have put spoiler alert warnings before that sentence, shouldn’t I?
In my tirade to my family about the loss, I said without thinking, “I should have been a vampire.” Actual words out of mouth. I didn’t even realized I said it until my sister brought it up hours later. I told her what this post was about, and she said, “Oh, that’s why you said that.” What does it say about me that my family didn’t question my statement initially? *Howls*
Do you play tennis like a vampire or a werewolf? Why?
Photo: Thanks to: vtdainfo in Flickr ©Creative Commons
If I played tennis, I would play like a banshee. My incessant wailing would so unnerve my opponents that even if they were currently winning they would start to feel like maybe they weren’t. And then I would go in for the kill. (Banshees do that, right?)
Why, hello again, rudydigital! Thank you for commenting. I appreciate it.
However, I am troubled by your beginning phrase: “If I played tennis.” Oh, dear. Does this mean you, in fact, do not play tennis?!
I play like a vampire. I need to play like a werewolf. Got killed in a match today by a werewolf. I’m very careful and controlled. Sometimes that works if my partner is a werewolf and can put the ball away. Not today. They were hitting low percentage winning shots from everywhere on the court. Takes guts that I don’t have right now, coming back from wrist surgery. But that is a good analogy, vampires and werewolves. I need to think werewolf out there!
Hi, Sharon B! Thank you for the comment! I’ve held off in replying because I wanted to check in with you down the road and ask you whether you were vampiring or werewolfing these days. 😉